Thursday, June 30, 2016

Long Distance Dating Tips - What has worked for us!

I've never been one to show off my relationships, I'm pretty private, and I was always self-conscious that it wouldn't last. I was afraid that I would look silly for publicly displaying my relationship but now I'm older, a teeny bit wiser and overall more confident with my decisions, and with who I date.

I'd like to share a bit about my current relationship which is a first for The Petite Principle! I started dating someone about 7 months ago and within the first month I realized that it would turn into a long distance relationship.

Had you asked me if I'd be willing to date long distance I would've said NO WAY JOSE but let's say this guy changed my mind. I had been pretty closed off to dating, I'd date here and there but I got so used to being single that I didn't want to wrap my mind around the idea of dating someone seriously again, especially long distance but my heart gave in and I put my trust in my faith and started dating Tom long distance. I put my trust in the big man upstairs and realized that if it's meant to work out it will, and if it doesn't it's a lesson learned. I learned to put my dating fears aside (oh and there were/are many) and took the plunge. 

Dating long distance is tough, and I know I'm not the first to say it but it's really, really tough sometimes. I currently live in Brooklyn and my boyfriend lives in Florida. Thankfully, we live in the same time zone so phone calls and FaceTime are easier, and we've had the luxury of being able to visit each other every month. I know not every couple can do that but I have some suggestions that might help! Long distance dating doesn't have to be so bad!

1) Make a Plan before you separate

I know that sounds weird, especially because dating long distance probably wasn't apart of your initial plan but try to make a plan for the future. This is also frightening because what the heck you've just started dating and now you have a to make a long term plan? What?! Well, what I mean is make a map or timeline for your relationship. Consider how long you're going to be dating long distance, will it be forever?  Will one of you be open to moving to the other's location if necessary? Is there an end game? Have this conversation before you consider this long distance relationship, if you can. My boyfriend had grown up in Florida but had lived away from home for many years and wanted to come home to his roots for a year to be with family. This was terrifying for me. I thought that's it, he will never want to leave but we discussed before he left for Florida and set our expectations for the kind of relationship we wanted and knew it would only be for one year. 

2) Communicate

We don't have the luxury of being spontaneous. Spontaneous dates or spontaneous phone calls. Some of us are on different time zones and can only speak during certain hours of the day. Some can only see each other every few months. While we spend that time apart we need to learn how to over-communicate. Meaning discussing a lot, I don't mean sending text messages every second of the day but setting time aside and over-communicating. Even if that means not having a phone call or a FaceTime session every night but make it a priority to. For example try having a 3 hour phone call to discuss every moment of your day instead of a million texts throughout the day. 

3) Be creative with your time

Prioritize your schedule so that you can make time to visit your significant other. I really mean this. If you are pushing to make your relationship work then it requires your full attention and time. When Tom and I get a few days to visit each other, we try to have a romantic date night where we try out a new restaurant! Lately we started using the app, Rabb.it, where we can watch TV shows and movies together at the same time by video chat, together :)

4) See the light at the end of the tunnel

Remember to stay encouraged! There are plenty of people that are supportive of my long distance relationship and there are some that think I'm absolutely nuts. Remember that those people are NOT in your relationship. Your relationship is between you and your guy/gal. The only opinions that should matter are yours and if you believe you are with the right person then keep making it work. Share trust, honesty, respect and lots of love! Like I said dating long distance is tough but remember that it doesn't last forever! Always see the light at the end of the tunnel.



Xo,
Maia

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